the choice
by stephie.anindita87
Summary: my name is Selena Leonard.i want nothing but to seek vengeance for my family's death.but then i met a stranger who told me that what i wanted to do wouldn't bring anything but more grief into my life ... can i trust him?
1. Preface

It was already midnight when I arrived. Finally after all these years I buried in my own hatred, cursed every night I spent without doing anything to satisfy my grudge, I could finally sure that I'm strong enough to deliver my own vengeance.

I walked towards one of the window. The luminescence light helped me see inside. I saw a woman, probably my age; she was carrying a bundle that I knew was her baby. She sang softly as she put the baby in the cradle. When she looked at her child's face, she looked like she was going to cry. She bent down, kissed the baby's forehead before she walked outside.

I looked at them; my hatred grew stronger and stronger each second. My hand clenched the light-oil I brought from my cottage. I wanted nothing but to burn this house into ashes, including the people lived in it. I moved forward to get on with my demonic plan.

"Don't do this!" I heard a voice behind me. Without even turn my back, I knew it was him. He knew my plan. He followed me here.

"I had to." I replied coldly. "I wanted them to feel the pain I endure all these years."

"They have suffered enough ..." he said. "Please, Selena, don't do this."

"I thought you would understand." I turned, facing him. His pale face illuminated by the moonlight. "You of all people should understand."

"Killing them won't bring the ones you love back." I couldn't stand to see the pain in his eyes, but I tried to harden my heart as I looked straight at them. He slowly walked towards me, his hand raised to get the bottle in my hand. It was so easy for me to just throw the bottle inside the nursery, but I couldn't move. His eyes stopped me from doing so. He took the bottle away from my hand and kept it inside the pocket of his cloak.

"It's over now …" he whispered as he embraced me. I was still stiff as a tree.

"Who's there?!" I heard someone shouting and the front door banged open. "I heard you! I got a gun!"

"Run!" I hissed as I pulled his hand and started running. I heard few gunshots after us but none of them caught us. We ran and ran without looking back or even catch our breath. We didn't have to stop to know where we are, even when we were running across the dark hill. We had known this place by heart. When we could eventually saw our cottage, we knew that we were safe. We're both gasping for breath as we lay on the cold moss.

"How did you know where I was?" I asked, broken the silence between us.

"I saw something familiar in your eyes. The same thing I had seen in my own reflection ages ago before I decided to killed my creator slowly by made him suffer." he replied. "I have let myself destroyed by my own grudge. I spent most of my lives seeking for vengeance and do you know something? It didn't bring anything but more suffering into my life. You have saved my life; it is time for me to save yours."

I remembered when I saw him for the first time months ago. I didn't know why I had the care to help him when he was chased by the local farmer. I had spent the last of my childhood in desolation; I thought I had lost my sense of humanity. Maybe it is not the sense of humanity who drove me to point my gun at them and threatened them to leave him alone, maybe it simply because I saw that he was helpless. He was alone, without anything to defend himself and the three men chasing them brought pitchforks. It reminded me of the day my family was thrown away from our village. Even my father, who was always the strongest amongst us all, couldn't fight back when the angry mobs were throwing stones at us. He could only clutch me tight under his arms so I wouldn't get hurt.

After I had to shot one of the men on his shoulder (he didn't die, I wanted to kill him but something in their victim's eyes made me stop) and made them run away, I brought him to my cottage. He was badly injured; someone must have stabbed him on his shoulder. I could only use some leafs my mother had taught me to use to cure wounds. He was crying then, I thought that because of the pain, but then he told me that it because he had never met anyone who has been so kind to him before. His eyes looked like the 'haunted' lake I saw when I was still at school. It called haunted because it was so empty, it didn't even had any fish swimming in it. That's what his eyes looked like. They looked clear, peaceful and yet there's emptiness too. The reflection of his mourning soul. I felt very guilty now, to add another pain in his already shattered heart.

I knew how his life was like before he met me. Not much different from mine, except that I still had the happy memories of my childhood, but he hadn't. His story was a bit absurd to me. He said that he didn't remember himself being a child. He just woke up one day and saw his creator – the one he called 'father'. Whoever his father was, I thought that he was a demon, cursing his own child and threw him away just like that. He didn't even bother to give him name.

I couldn't care less about that. If the others said he was a monster than I might as well called myself a demon. He still had a human heart, to feel such guilt after he had done his revenge on his creator. Even though we're both had been cruelly rejected, cursed and spat upon, I didn't know how it feels. For ever since my family was thrown out due to Mr. Gregory's greed, I felt myself turned into a devil himself, especially after all my family died of pneumonia and I was the only one who could survive. I lived in desolation ever since, choosing this abandoned cottage as my place to live. I spent my day preparing for my vengeance. Even after that damned demon died, I still wanted to destroy the rest of his family. I wanted him to suffer in his grave when he saw his home burned down to ashes.

"I think you better leave." I said bitterly, looking away from him. "I am not a human. You don't deserve to be with such a demon like me …"

He didn't say a word. I couldn't describe what the look in his eyes meant, but I failed to see any hatred in it. He knew I didn't mean the words I just said about sending him away. I didn't remember when I fell asleep but all of the sudden I felt his shoulder-length hair brushed my cheek as he carried me inside the cottage. He laid me on my bed and bent his head. He whispered in my ear. "I will not leave you …" he said gently yet firmly. "For you're my home." He paused, and then I felt a drip of warmth in my cheek. Was he crying? I decided it would be better for me to pretend that I was fast asleep.

"_He who would give his life but to obtain one look of affection from thine eyes …" _I heard him whispering before I felt his cold lips on my forehead. After that, I heard him walked away. I was tense; I was ready to jump and stop him if he changed his mind and decided to leave after all. But he just went to his own bed across the room, I heard his bed creaking and then I heard his steady breath as he tried to be asleep.

"Good night, Theodore …" I whispered to the dark.

"Theodore?" I heard his reply.

"Since you told me you had no name, I decided to call you that. Would that be all right?"

"Theodore." I heard him said, trying it on. Then a soft chuckle. He sounded happy yet like he wanted to cry, too. "Yes, I like that. Thank you."

"Good night, my dear Selena …" he whispered softly afterwards.

I felt tears stung behind my closed eyelids as I tried to be asleep. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I still have a human heart after all, despite the desolations I chose all these years. Maybe there's still hope for us both in the future. If I could let my hatred go and replace it with love… could it be possible?


	2. The Begining

I couldn't sleep that night, even though it was dead silence. There weren't even crickets or frog singing, and I was so tired from what I've been through today, but I still can't sleep. I still thinking about what happened over and over again.  
Today I woke up with a dream that made my heart ache on every thoughts of it. I was dreaming about my beloved mother. I saw her and she opened her arms to welcome me, but when I tried to run after her, she disappeared. I woke up gasping for breath in my silent cottage. I knew it was no use for me to visit my previous home, since it was now nothing but ashes. I also knew that when I visit my family's old cottage in the middle of the forest, I would find nothing but silent that would remind me of that horrible day … when my mother tried to hold her urge to cry over my father, when we found him lying cold on his bed. Beside him was my little sister, Gracie. Her eyes were also closed. There weren't any life left in them. I thought my father left me with my mother so I could protect her, but then he took my mother away to heaven as well.  
I walked out of the cottage, trying to distract myself by walking into the forest. I had known this place since I could remember so I could simply let my feet led the way. I walked and walked until I knew I reached the meadow that separated the forest and the field that belonged to the villagers. I should have stopped there, but the sight in front of me caught my attention.  
I was used to the crazy angry mob from the village, since they were the reason I had lost my childhood on the first place, but this time there were only three men. They were shouting and chasing a man. I couldn't see his face clearly since he was wearing a cloak with a hood on.  
"Come on … run faster, they wouldn't dare to chase you after you reach the meadow!" I said.  
He looked up and saw me. He couldn't see me clearly since we were so far away but it was as if he could hear me, because he kept running until he reached the meadow. The three men were still shouting at him, they looked at each other and then one of them pointed his pitchfork at him. They started to run after him.  
"Not a good choice …" I said as I pulled out my gun from my waist and waited until they became closer. I shot one of them on their shoulder and he fell down. The two of them stopped and staring at him, their face white. The poor stranger stopped too, but he was closer to me so now he could see me at last. I could only see his eyes shined towards me.  
"Who are you?! Show yourself!!" one of them shouted.  
"It must be the Leonard's family!" the others said.  
"No, it cannot be! All of them were dead. We found their bodies on that wretched cottage, didn't we?"  
"Look at him! He was bleeding! Tom, can you hear us? Tom?! Good heavens, look at his blood! Take him back to the village, quick!"  
"Begone you wretched monster! If you go as far as near our village again, there won't be any mercy for you!"  
The poor stranger stood still, staring at them before he turned and walked into the forest. He slumped under one of the three and opened his hood. His face was chalk-white and almost filled with wound-mark. He clutched his shoulder as he opened his mouth in a silent scream. He must be badly injured. I walked over to him.  
I didn't know what to say to him, since this is my first time talking to the others for the last five years of desolation. His eyes focused on me. "I …" was the only thing he could say before he once more winced in pain. I looked at the back of his cloak, it was stained with blood. Still didn't think about the right words to say, I helped him to stand and led him to my cottage. He hesitated at first, but then he followed me because he didn't have any other choice. When we arrived, I told him to lie on the bed so I could examine his wounds. I took off his cloak and shocked when I saw the white-shirt he wore underneath was covered with blood. I cursed angrily when at last I saw the size of his wound. What on earth did he do to deserve this? I thought. But then a memory flashed before me …

_  
"Alex!!"  
Alex turned in surprise as his mother furiously walked towards him. He pulled the little girl behind him reflexively to protect her, but then his mother pushed him away so fiercely that he fell into the ground.  
"Alex …" the little girl called him too, but with a weak shivering voice, that was before his mother slapped her hard until she fell on her back.  
"What in God's name are you doing with this demon child?!" Alex's mother demanded.  
"Her family was ill, mother …" replied Alex as he tried to stand. "I only give her some of our leftovers so she could bring them back to her family."  
"You little fool!" Alex's mother glared at him. "Do you realized what your foolishness might bring to our family?! As for you, you little demon!" she pulled the little girl's bony arm so fiercely, forcing her to stand up. "I'm going to give you punishment you'll never forget, so you'll know what you'll get if you go as far as our village again!"  
"Alex, help me!!" the little girl cried helplessly to him.  
"Selena!!" Alex cried, but there was nothing he could do. He just watched in fear and regret as his mother dragged his little friend away… _

I clenched my hand into tight fists to hold my own anger. I looked at his wound and I quickly thought of a way to cure it. I remembered some leafs my mother had taught me to cure wounds. "Wait here. I'll try to get something for the wounds." I said before I walked out of the cottage to find them. When I went back, I used them to put on his wound. After that, I used one of my father's old shirts to wrap it.  
I looked at his frightened face and his scars. I had almost the same one on my back, where I once got severely beaten. He looked so afraid, hiding his face behind his dark hair and looked around my cottage as if this was some kind of hunter's trap. He stayed shivering even after I lent him one of my father's flannels. I heated up a bowl of stew for him.  
"Don't look so scared, I am not going to cook you!" I said in annoyance when I gave him the bowl and he practically jumped away from me like I was pointing a kitchen knife at him.  
"Forgive me …" he said, bowing his head. I sighed and put the warm bowl in his hand. He hesitantly spooned the stew into his mouth but then he started to eat it fast. He must be very hungry, so I gave him refill after he finished the first bowl. He calmed a bit after he had finished the whole pan.  
"Thank you …" he said weakly, hesitantly looking at me behind his hair. "Thank you for being very kind to me."  
I nodded silently, but then I shook my head when I saw the scars on his face more clearly. "Did they do this to you?"  
"No." he shook his head. "My creator made me this way."  
"Your creator?" I tilted my head, confused at his words.  
The more he told me about him, the less I could understand. It was strange, he was made? Not born? He told me he just woke up one day and saw his creator. He was stitched from death, that's what he said. Could anything that absurd be real?  
"So this … father of yours, do you see him much?"  
He shook his head.  
"Do you have any other family?"  
He shook his head once more.  
I wanted to ask him more, but then I gave up. "You'd better have some rest, so the wound would heal faster."  
"It's very kind of you, but I better leave." he said with a forced smile.  
"You won't last more than fifteen minutes walk down the hill with that wound."  
"What would your family think if they come home and find a monster like me in their house ..."  
"I don't have a family. They had gone long time ago But never mind that, now have some rest."  
He hesitated for a moment, but then he agreed to stay. That was the first time over more than five years I had someone else beside me in the cottage. It felt strange and somewhat comforting to know that I wasn't alone.  
"May I know your name?" I asked him before we went so sleep that night. I told him to sleep on my bed since I knew he needed a good night rest after what he'd been through. It was all right, the couch was comfortable enough for me to sleep on.  
"I don't have any name."  
"What do people usually call you?"  
"Monster. Or fiend." the answer came in a very bitter tone.  
None of us said anything until I heard his steady breath as he fell asleep. I looked at his face, which was hidden behind his hair. I walked towards the couch and curled myself under my blanket. I was just starting to drown into my dream when I heard him spoke.  
" … no!" his voice was filled with fear and terror.  
I was tense; I thought there might be an intruder came into my cottage. I woke up and grabbed my father's dagger, ready to stab whoever it was being so foolish. But there wasn't anyone there. The stranger was still lying on the bed, but he was restless. Every now and then he shook his head as he spoke in his dream.  
"No! Father, please! Put that lamp away! Don't! Nooo …!!"  
I quickly went beside him and shook him. He woke up, gasping for breath as he looked frantically around the room. His eyes focused on me at last.  
"You have been dreaming." I said.  
His body started to shiver. He looked so afraid and helpless, so I warily put my arms around him.  
"I … I'm scared …" he said shakily.  
"Don't be. It's just a silly dream." I ensured him.  
"No, it happened. My father … he burned my wife into ashes … she was burned. I couldn't protect her …"  
My mouth fell open in shock. "Your father did what?!"  
He put his trembling hands over his face. "No, I don't want to remember it! I don't want to … don't make me look at it once more."  
"Ssh … tt's all right. You are safe with me now. No one's here to hurt you …" I said softly. It felt as if I was comforting my little sister Darcie when she was having a nightmare. How long had it been since?  
"Shall I light the candle?" I asked to distract myself from the memory I didn't dare to think about.  
He nodded so I went to get a candle and lit it. He calmed down a bit when the light started to illuminate on the cottage. "Thank you …" he said. He took my hand and squeezed it tightly and kissed it. I patted his hand on return. I felt strange then when I tried to comfort him, something I had never felt for a very long time. Long after he went to sleep, I looked at his face and all of the sudden a great wave of emotion washed over me. It seemed like there was a memory waiting to arise to the surface. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to remember it or not. I closed my eyes and quickly remember what my mother had told me.  
"It will be easier for us if we forget what happened in our past …be brave, my dear child, and face your future."  
I went up to my couch and quickly shut my eyes. Yes, I didn't have time to think about the useless memories from my past for I would become nothing but a pathetic little girl who could only hold her tears when an insane woman whipped her back mercilessly until it bled. I was stronger now and will become stronger and stronger each day …  
So I could deliver my family's vengeance


	3. The Crimson Terror

**Hi guys, sorry it took me a long while to add new chapter. I tried to create new story line and I hope you like it …**

He stayed with me ever since. Our relationship was quiet strange. We get on with our every day life. I tried to heal his wound, cook for him so he can build his strength but we barely talk to each other. He seemed like a timid fearful animal that jumped ever so often everytime I went near him. I didn't really know how to start an interaction with him also, since I seemed to forget how to be someone else beside a girl that so filled with anger and hatred and did not want anything in this world but to satisfy her grudge. Sometimes I noticed him watching me secretly with his sky-blue eyes. I wanted to know what is going on in that mind of his, whether he knew that inside me there was nothing but abomination.

But … was it?

What happened on Mr. Gregory's house seemed like a great blow on me. I begun to feel some kind of strange feeling inside me. I wasn't sure whether I like it or not. Every time I tried to ask myself what was going on with me, tears started to run down my cheek. I hated that feeling for making me so weak. I hated it, yet somehow yearned for it to overwhelm me … perhaps this is how a sad moth was drawn into the fire.

I cursed furiously and slammed my fist against my cottage wall. The thudding sound from outside stopped. Theodore was outside, cutting some fire woods he had found on the forest. The air started to become more and more icy cold each day. Winter will be here soon.

"Selena? Are you alright?" I heard him calling me awkwardly.

"Yes. I am alright, Theodore." I lied. "I'm just … trying to hit an insect!"

He did not say anything for few moments, but I breathed out in relief as the thudding sound of his axe cutting the fire woods started again. The relief did not last for long, it replaced with some kind of other strange emotion … that made me think that perhaps it was better for me to say that I fell down and hurt myself so badly, so he would run inside, carrying me in his arms, cuddling me close to him so I could feel his warmth …

I felt my face blushed although at that exact time, cold breeze went in from the open door. Needless to say, after that night, our relationship became more awkward than it already is. We tried to talk normally as if nothing had happened, but it seemed like a bad theatrical act. Every now and then we just looked at each other, smiled awkwardly before we looked away. I let him talk more to me most of the time, reading me stories from the bible and books he had read before. Still, all those stories were nothing compare to his own life story.

I closed my eyes, imagining his story about his journey to the coldest part of the world. He had told me about how he saw the beautiful northern light appear on the sky. At that time, even the beauty of the Aurora could not make him at peace. "I felt like it was mocking me." He laughed bitterly as he spoke. "Like it was telling me, only the way one's look in this world decide how one's life. I felt like a hideous troll, being laughed at by the pretty fairies."

But if someone said that the Aurora is a part of a demonic kingdom, a creation of a devil, would people be running away screaming despite its beauty?

"I truly wish that I can find a place for us to live without fear …" he said to me quietly. "Where there were no one to judge us by our appearance only, or by what the others had said about us …"

I gave a dry laugh. "Well, if that is so, there will be only the two of us."

He didn't say anything for quiet a while. But when I turned my back to turn on the light, I heard him spoke quietly. "Perhaps … we did not need anything else in this world, or anyone … as long as we have each other." I did not sure whether he really said it or not, I was too busy trying to turn on the light that I didn't pay much attention. If he did, what was that supposed to mean?

I sighed, staring at the darkness of my cottage. I lied if I said that I did think that way. Beside my family, I did not need anyone in this world, but Theodore was … different. He was my first real friend after my times of desolation. Perhaps one day we could …

I coughed and winced in pain as something stung my chest. Before I could took a breath, I began coughing endlessly. I coughed and coughed until I felt that my lungs were pulled out of my chest. I doubled up in pain as the pain in my chest became more and more intense until I felt like I was being stabbed in the chest by a dagger. I closed my eyes and told myself to calm down … it was probably nothing. I just … chocked, that was all.

When I finally stopped at long last, I leant against the wall in exhaustion. I took a cloth to spit on and wiped my hands. The once white cloth was now had lost it's color, but when I saw it, I froze. I could have sworn that there would be no possibilities that a white cloth could turn into … red.

I went towards the window, wishing that it was only my eyes playing cruel tricks on me. I flapped the cloth against the light to see it properly. The red stain was still there … fear crawled up my spine like a serpent. I closed my eyes, prayed that it wasn't anything I was feared of and spat again into the cloth. This time, I also coughed a couple of times. To my horror, when I held up the white cloth again, the red stain became more clearly. It was my blood. No doubt about that.

_I heard someone coughed from outside the cottage. I jumped from my bed, terrified that it might be one of the villagers came after us. I tiptoed out of my room and saw the front door opened. Father was there, his body bent down like he was ready to snap in two any minute. He was the one who was coughing severely. His cough sound horribly like a dog bark. I walked up quietly at him._

_"Father, are you alright?" I asked quietly._

_He turned and I screamed in a shock when I saw his mouth was covered in red stain. Blood dribbled down his chin and with his pointy face he looked like a monster. I ducked and screamed when he reached out for me, but then he gently put his arms around me._

_"Sshh … Selena, be quiet. You will wake up your mother and your sister." He whispered, suddenly becoming my father again._

_"Father, you are bleeding …" I whispered back in fear, hugging him back as tight as I could._

_"I am alright. Do not be worry. I just need to get some rest." He smiled weakly at me and took my hands on his._

_I was sure that he would be alright once he had some rest … but his cough became worse and more worse … until one day I saw him on his bed … his eyes were tight shut in pain … blood dribbled down his mouth … and few months later, my sister Gracie … my mother … they were all died in the same way. It started as a cough, became worse and worse until they started to cough up blood … and then one day they were all died … in tremendous agony ... _

"No …" I whispered in tremendous fear. "No …"


	4. The Unspeakable Words

I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to do. I kept telling myself that the blood was probably nothing. I might had bitten my tongue when I coughed, there was no way that it could be the same disease my family had suffered from. One night, I woke up trembling and had to cover my face with my hands due to a horrible nightmare I had. I dreamt someone was after me. Not someone, but something. It was in a form of dark shadow and it spread its darkness to catch me. I ran and ran, but the dark cloud caught me by the throat … choking me. I could still hear its throaty whisper in my ear.

"You can not escape from me …" it said. "I will have you. I will take you to hell, where you belong ... you demon!" its voice was filled with hatred as he drawn me closer and closer towards him …

The night was cold and it was the new moon so there wasn't any moonlight. I hugged myself, trying to stop me from crying. The autumn would be ended soon and then the winter. The coldness pierced my skin and I tried to keep myself warm using my father's old shirt. I looked over towards Theodore, who was now sound asleep.

I could not understand, why did this have to happen even before I was sure that it was love that was in my heart? One thing I knew for sure, I did not want to leave him. I wanted to be with him. Oh how I long for him to embrace me like he had done before … I could not remember when was the last time I felt so safe, so peaceful … felt like I was back where I had once belong …

I remembered clearly that it was the coldest winter that had taken my family's life away. I begged for them to hold on, I even went to one of my father's friend at the town, although my father had warned me enough times not to leave the forest. He was scared that someone might caught me and beaten me up like what had happened before. But I ignored all the remaining scars on my back, the frozen coldness of the winter and the thick snow that scrapped my bare feet raw as I ran as fast as I could to find some help. At the time I reached the doctor's house, I banged on his door, begging for him to help my family. I banged and banged, even though it was past midnight and my knuckles started to bleed.

I did not get more than just a shove that made me fell on my back and banged my head against the pavement, even before I had the chance to see the doctor. It was one of his maids who even felt like she needed to throw a bucket of water on me afterwards to 'send all the evil away from her master's house' she told me to go back to the forest, where I belong.

My fists clenched at the memory. I did not understand why I didn't fell down and die on my way back to the cottage … since the snow storm became more and more severe each second as I fought my way into the forest. When I opened the door … they were laying still on their beds. I was scared. I tried to wake them up, even screaming on their ears but they did not open their eyes. I waited until the morning came to wake them up once more, but they never wake up. Their eyes stay closed. Their bodies stayed stone-cold.

My vision blurred by my tears. What would happen if the same thing happened to Theodore? What if one day, he went up to me to see that I am already dead? My family had died before the winter came just one year before … even my father, the strongest person, Patrick Leonard who even got the last name that meant "as strong as a Lion", could not survive after he got that damned disease … how could I be sure that I, the last of the Leonard, will survive?

I went out of my bed, walking as quietly as I could towards him. I carefully stroked his hair, staring at his peaceful face while he slept. Tears slowly ran down my cheek. I would give anything, anything to

"Forgive me …" I whispered quietly. "Forgive me, for I cannot be the one who always be with you through this cruel world … I just wish that I could …" I let the cold autumn breeze trailed my words away.

I kissed my fingertips and placed them on his forehead. He mumbled something, opened my eyes and stared at me in wonder. "Selena?" he slowly raised. "What is it?"

"Nothing … I just had a nightmare … go back to sleep." I forced a weak smile and gently touched his pale face.

"Is there something you wish to tell me? Perhaps … sharing it will help you erase the fear?"

"No …" I shook my head, struggling to hold back the urge to fall into his arms and weep my heart out. "I am alright. I just need to know that you are still here with me."

"I will always be with you." He spoke softly yet firmly. "I promise." He took my hand and gently kissed it. I smiled at him and wished that the darkness would hide my tears from his sight. I walked back into my bed, laid back and got my eyes tight shut.

"I just wish that I could promise you the same, my dearest …" I whispered softly in my heart, before I fell into a dreamless sleep.


	5. Are You Going To Leave Me?

"Are you warm enough?"

Theodore wrapped my father's old hood around me and tucked it neatly so I felt so warm and cozy. It was the coldest day of the autumn, but unfortunately I thought that there would be a chance for it to be colder when the snow started to fall. But that morning, Theodore told me to wrap up on the warmest clothes that I could find and went outside with him.

It was very unlikely of him indeed, since the past awkward days we had not been talking much.

"Where are you going to take me?" I asked him when we stepped outside. The icy wind pierced through the hood I was wearing. I had not been too well these past few days although I tried to be as strong as I could manage. This morning I did not feel too well, actually, I didn't wish to do anything else but to hide under my blanket all day. But I couldn't tell Theodore about that, since I was still hiding the strange thing that happened to me.

"I want it to be a surprise." Theodore said. He took out a piece of cloth and covered my eyes with it. After made sure that I couldn't see anything, I heard him spoke timidly. "I will take you there."

Even though my chest still felt quiet heavy, I couldn't help chuckling at his action. It seemed so sweet and adorable. For few moments I forgot about anything and just concentrate my steps as he led the way. I felt like a princess being led by her prince; that thought made me blush despite the cold wind. Every now and then I almost slipped on the slippery leaves on the ground, but his firm hand gently balancing my way again. I knew from the sound surrounded us that we were walking into the forest, deep into the forest. From the silence around us, I thought that most of the animals had gone into their long sleep. This must be near the end of the autumn, I thought, imagining them in their nests, cuddling together for comfort and just close their eyes until the winter was over. If I actually be able to sleep through the winter, would I be alright again? Would I wake up one warm autumn morning and felt more healthy than now?

"What's in your mind?" his voice broke the silence between us.

"Oh? Nothing …" I lied.

"I felt your grip on my hand became tighter, something must have bothered you …" he spoke quietly.

I smiled. "Don't be worry … it is just a silly imagination." My voice was getting bitter and I cleaned my throat to make my voice normal again.

He said nothing for the rest of the journey. It wasn't too long since, before he took off the cloth covering my eyes. I stood still, taken aback by the scenery before us. He had taken me to the most magical place I had ever seen in my life. We were standing before a lake, surrounded by pine trees and hills. Everything was so beautiful and mystical. The grey autumn sky looked silvery like fairy dust and thin lake mist floated, covering some of the sight slightly.

"It's … it's magnificent …" I whispered, out of any words to say. "I had never seen such beauty …"

"I found this place long time ago, during my journey." Theodore said softly. "The sight took my breath instantly … but strangely I did not feel like it was mocking me. I could even imagined this place as a family I had never had at that time, the hills were like a father who protected me and the mist was like a mother who embraced me to my sleep. I only went up to the forest or to the village to get some food and then I quickly went back here. This was my home … I wish to share it with you."

I felt a stab on my chest, but I knew that wasn't from my illness. He was being so kind to me, too kind. I couldn't bear to see the look of childlike joy in his eyes that I had never seen before. Would he be hoping that I could stay long enough to be with him? What would everything will be if I told him that I might not be alive till the end of the winter?

I looked at him straight in the eyes. "Theodore …? If one day I … hurt you, just think nothing of me again, alright?"

His eyes stared at me, confused. "I do not understand. Why you said such things?"

"If it happened to you, then you might as well just leave me behind, never look at me again. Just think of me as something that is unreal. Please just, remember that, alright?" I persisted.

He neither nodded nor shook his head. He just stared at me, utterly confused by my words.

"Are you going to leave me?" he whispered at last.

I felt another stab, more hurting this time when I looked into his eyes. I forced a smile. "God, what has gotten into me? It must be the cloudy autumn. I was talking utter nonsense. Take no notice of me." I turned my back and took a deep breath. "I will run this feeling out of me. You just … stay here, alright? I will back soon."

I made a run towards the forest, stamping my way crazily on the cold autumn. I heard Theodore called after me to be careful or I might hurt myself, but I took no notice. I didn't stop although branches cut my face and my limbs, I didn't stop although my stomach started to hurt, I ran and ran, until I was so out of breath and slumped on the ground, surrounded by the dead trees that looked like ghosts' claws. I couldn't hold it any longer, I knelt down on the damp muddy ground and sobbed my heart out. Frustration rose inside me, towards myself. He had suffered enough, betrayed by his creator, rejected by the world, tortured by people … and now I would hurt him even more!

"Why?!!" I cried to the heaven. "Why can't I be strong enough to protect people that I love?! Why did You make me this way?!"

Obviously, I didn't expect for any answer but a miracle that could instantly relieve on my heavy chest. It started to hurt again, but I didn't care, no one would see me here and I might as well just force myself to cough until no blood left inside my chest. It might be the only way to cure this damned illness.

A cold wind brushed past me. It was getting harder and colder. I looked up and saw that the rain started to pour down heavily. Only this time, it was raining snow. Within seconds, everything around me was covered with ghostly white.

"Oh damn it to hell!" I cursed angrily and got into my feet but the coldness made my chest became heavier and heavier. I started to panic, gasping for air through the white storm that became furious. I couldn't think, it was like the storm had already gone inside my head, frozen my thoughts so I couldn't think of anything to do …

"Theodore!!" I cried desperately towards the storm, but the words caught on my throat and I began coughing, pumping away the air from my already suffered lungs. I caught a glimpse of red on the snow, but that was the last thing I could manage to see. I had to shut my eyes since they became so painful to open. I think I was still trying desperately to make my way back to the lake, but everything seemed so unreal, like I was blown off the ground and carried away by the storm. I could not feel my legs and arms, and the suffocating feeling became more and more severe until I could no longer breathe. All I could hear is the sound of the roaring snow storm around me, before I slumped down into the icy cold darkness and the horrible sound started to fade away …


	6. Silence

Silence …

At one moment I realized that I was no longer frozen. Everything around me was strangely warm – almost burning – and the heavy feeling on my chest wasn't too intense anymore. My eyelids felt so heavy when I tried to look around me. I realized that I was in a room. White walls surrounding me, and there was also a big glass door to a balcony but I couldn't see anything clearly through. The thick white snow covered practically everything. I tried to sit up straight on the strange warm bed I was laying on, trying to recognize my surroundings. I was light-headed, I couldn't think straight, but when I looked through the big glass window I saw Theodore was standing outside, staring at me.

I narrowed my eyes, trying to see whether my eyes were playing tricks on me. I blinked a couple of times and he was still there, stood out very clearly around the ghostly white. "Theodore?" I called for him. He lifted his hand slowly, a gesture of rejection. "Theodore??" I called for him again, louder. He shook his head; his face looked like he was in pain. His lips moved into words that looked like 'goodbye', before he gave me a brave smile, waved and walked away.

"Theodore!!" I cried. "Theodore, wait!!"

I ran towards the door and pulled the handle to open it. It was locked. I felt so panic as I saw his shadow became further and further … until the ghostly white swallowed him. I banged my fist against the glass, calling his name desperately. Firm hands pulled me away from the glass. It was a man, he shushed to calm me down but I took no notice. I tried to struggle free from him, crying desperately to Theodore who was now no longer in sight; until I felt a pierce on my left arms and I was once again drowns into utter darkness …

I had to struggle myself free from the darkness surrounding me. Once again I woke up in that strange room. This time, someone was sitting beside my bed. A woman, around the same age as me. She looked at me steadily although her eyes were filled with tears. I wanted to ask who she was, but I could only moan. She shushed me and took my hand on hers. "That's alright … you are safe now …" she whispered. "Here, drink some water … you haven't drink or eat anything since we brought you here …" she took a glass of water and helped me drink. The cold water felt so refreshing and woke my senses. Everything became clear then, as far as I could manage. I realized that the woman who was with me in that room was the same woman I saw on Mr. Gregory's house before.

"My name is Diana …" she said quietly, shifting her eyes every now and then, didn't dare to look at me. "I am Mr. Gregory's daughter."

I looked up the ceiling, shaking my head in disbelief. I couldn't believe it, I was buried under the snow storm and now I was drown into my own enemy's house.

"Please, listen …" Diana reached out for my hand again, now looking straight into my eyes. "I knew it is too late for an apology, Selena Leonard …"

"How did you know who I am?" I asked.

"I saw the pendant on your neck. The symbol of a Lion, no other family had the same symbol but the Leonard's. I suppose you are Selena, their eldest daughter. I heard about you from my … father."

I felt like slapping her face to say that demon's name on my face, but she stared at me in such sadness on her eyes that the intention stopped.

"I knew you were there before. Jonathan thought you were a burglar when you came that night, but I had a feeling that it was one of the Leonard family … the family that my demonic father had cruelly betrayed ages ago." Diana's voice quivered as she spoke.

"I … I wanted to apologize for what my father had done to you and your family. I knew what he had done, but I couldn't do anything. I wanted him to stop but what strength could I do to stop a man like him? I was such a very young girl back then." Diana started to shiver despite the cardigans she had on. She hugged herself as if she wanted to calm herself down before she continued. "He often hit my mother and me … there was nothing we could do to stop him. Even when my mother was still alive, both of us were powerless against him."

She sobbed and covered her face with her hands.

"I live with this guilt all my life. It kills me slowly in suffering. Every night when I go to sleep I am afraid that the devil will come with his chariot, ready to take me away straight to hell … I tried to end my life but I didn't know why I always survived. I didn't know what to do! I was afraid that if I didn't pay it with my own soul … my daughter Olivia will also got the punishment! She was just a precious little thing … " she wept as she bowed on my feet. "Forgive me … forgive my soul … if you wish to punish me, I will accept. Please … do not let Olivia, Jonathan or my other family took the impact for what my father had done. I am ready to become a sacrifice for them …"

I stared at her, my eyes blurred. Diana was suffering, too. I didn't know that. After all this time I dwelled deeply in my own hatred; I thought that I was the only one who suffered. I pulled Diana up and put my arms around her. "I forgive you …" I whispered. "There is no need for any punishment. Please, forgive me too …"

Diana sobbed and hugged me back. All the grudge and hatred that had been kept inside me, slowly lifted away. Never had I felt so relieved … so peaceful … for as far as I could remember.

"How did you find me?" I asked Diana.

"Jonathan found you …"

"Under the snow?" I was astonished. "I thought I was buried so deep under that snow storm. How did he …?"

Diana looked puzzled. "No, not under the snow … Jonathan saved you from that monster."

I almost fell straight out of my bed. "What monster? What are you talking about?" the relief suddenly swept away, substituted by the chills that suddenly ran up my spine.

"Jonathan saw you being carried by a gigantic creature. I didn't see how it looks like, but he told me it was horrific, like a troll from the old tales. It just stood still when Jonathan shouted at it, perhaps his presence had surprised it." Diana shivered again and rubbed the back of her neck. "It was no longer safe in here. I had heard news about the appearance of monsters and such … Jonathan had been with the lads outside, guarding our house so that monster wouldn't dare to come back. But … move out … not safe … away … possible …"

Diana's voice became further and further. Once again, something pinned me so I couldn't say any words. I just sat there, frozen, staring into the wide glass window where there was now nothing but ghostly white …

The days went by. I wasn't allowed to go outside the room, since Diana was worried about Olivia. Diana, Jonathan, a doctor and some servants were the only people allowed to come into my room. I could not understand what they told me, they told me that Jonathan had saved me from a monster. Was it Theodore they meant? I couldn't understand … I tried to combine the puzzle pieces to form an answer, but I failed.

One day when I was so tired of staying inside, I tried to open the big glass door and it opened! One of the maids must be forgotten to lock it before, after they swept the snow from the balcony. I went out and breathed in the icy weather, the only thing that was real from my previous moment before I was taken into this house.

I saw something on the bush; something shining by the shy glimpse of the sunlight. I realized it was an empty liquor bottle. I took it and realized that there was something inside the bottle. I opened the lid and fished it out with my finger. It was a paper, no, a letter … written in a not so neat handwriting.

_My dearest Selena,_

_I was glad to see you safe. I had never been so terrified for the rest of my life when I found you almost frozen under the snow. I did not know what to do … I was afraid that you might died, so I did what I had not done to my creator to save him. I took you to a place where you belong._

_My love, I wanted you to know how much you had changed me. You had given me love no one had ever given before. I never thought that I could find such pure and sincere love. You had even given me a name, such beautiful name that felt too divine for such a creature like me. I wouldn't ever find enough words to describe how much you mean to me or how much I love you. _

_But as much as I wanted to be at your side, it would be so selfish of me if I am risking your life for my own will. I remembered you told me before, that if you are happen to hurt me, that I should leave you behind. My love, I want you to know that you are never hurt me. You have given me nothing but the joy I had never thought I would find. I just cannot bear the thoughts of you suffering with me, you don't deserve it, my love … _

_So I will leave. I will leave to face the rest of my life. Do not be worried, I will be strong. I will be strong enough just to remember that there was someone who loves me despite what I am, for what I am, even though we will now go on our separate ways. And I will always love you …_

_With Love,_

_Theodore_

The bottle slipped out of my hands and broke, glass scattered everywhere, but it was the last thing I could manage to hear clearly. I slumped on the cold floor, the chills was the only thing that keep me on my senses.

Oh Theodore …

How could you left me?

I couldn't think straight. The house was dead silent. I remembered Diana, Jonathan and Olivia went this morning to visit one of their relatives, since the snow storm had stopped few days ago. But for me, the storm had just started. I felt like I was once again buried under the snow. My chest went tight and I coughed up blood again, but that wasn't the reason for the tears that now running down my face … the pain on my heart was much, much worse than the stabbing pain on my chest.

Everything around me faded away … I was faded away too, became one with the morning mist that slowly disappeared … I could hear my own sobs and weak whisper calling for Theodore's name … but they were all seemed miles away … until everything became utter silence and once again, darkness slowly swallowed me …


	7. Chance

That night was graveyard silent. I lay back on my bed, staring into the darkness behind the glass window. I didn't know what I was doing, staring outside endlessly waiting for someone that would probably be far away from where I was. I thought of him every second, wishing that my thoughts might somehow create a miracle and make our paths crossed once more. But it had been almost a month since I had found the letter and there was no single sign of him. Not even a glimpse of him on the window, or his shadow from the distance. I felt like a big part of me was missing too.

Diana had been so worried about me. She could not understand why I seemed to be lost in my own world most of the time. I think my body also knew the grief inside my heart that my condition became worse despite what the doctor had tried to give me.

"I do not understand …" the doctor said this afternoon. "She had been coping really well when she first came here. All of the sudden she became worse."

"Selena … what is it?" Diana asked me privately after the doctor went away. "Is there something bothering you?"

I just shook my head, tried to smile to put her at ease, but failed. Diana sighed heavily, her face still filled with worries.

"Perhaps once we move to London, we would find a good sanatorium for you to live." Diana said.

Her words felt like a gunshot on my ear. "London?" I gasped. "Are you… moving?"

Diana nodded. "Jonathan had been thinking about selling this house since he saw the appearance of the horrible creature who tried to harm you. He started to get in touch with his friends in London, to see whether he can get a job somewhere. Three days ago his friends had found him a job in a government's office. It would be much safer for us to live in a big city."

"There is a rich man who wanted to buy this house too. He had three big lads and all of them were so good at hunting. They said the fact of there is some kind of threat in this place sounds so thrilling for them … what are they like!" Diana chuckled, didn't notice that all the blood was practically drained from my face. When she saw my face at last, her smile faded. "What is it? Are you in pain?"

"No!" I said a little too loudly, my voice trembling. "D-Diana, you don't understand … that creature, he is my friend. His name is Theodore! I didn't know why Jonathan could think that he was intending to harm me, but please believe me that he would not hurt anyone … not even the weakest creature."

It was Diana's turn to stun. Her eyes widened in shock and her mouth moved soundlessly, like she could not find any words to say. "I … I don't understand …" she finally stammered. "That … thing, that creature … he carried you …"

"Yes. He was trying to save me. I was caught in the middle of snow storm and he was the one who had rescued me. If he wasn't there, I might be already dead." I persisted.

Diana stood up, shaking her head.

"Diana, please tell Jonathan about this …"

"No …" Diana whispered weakly.

"Diana, please!"

"No, Selena!" she said firmly, looking straight into my eyes. "I cannot do that!"

"Why?!"

Diana closed her eyes tight shut and took a deep breath before she spoke. "I am not supposed to tell you this … but … you see, when my father began the rumor about your father had made a pact with the devil to steal their land, everyone around this land trusted him. They still do, until now. When Jonathan had found you and he knew that you are one of the Leonard's family, he wanted to shove you out of this house as soon as possible, because he was afraid that you might bring evil to this house."

I stared at her in disbelief. "But that's not true!" I said. "You know that's not true!"

"Yes, I know … but Jonathan does not. Do you know why the villagers became very angry of your father?"

"It's because that demon, is it not?!" I glared at her.

"Don't, Selena, please …" Diana said softly. "He is still my father."

"What did he do?!"

"He and one of his friends; spread a disease around people who are close to the Leonard family. He put them on their land, their water source, so that they became ill and some of them died. With that, it would be easier for him to make them believe the rumor. Jonathan's parents … are one of the victims. Jonathan had sworn in front of his parent's grave that Leonard would be his lifetime enemy …"

Diana lowered her eyes; she couldn't even look straight into my eyes any longer. "I told Jonathan that, you might be the only one who is free from the curse. I mentioned the fact that even though all your other family died, you are still alive. Jonathan was only half-trusted me … he told me that if there is anything happen to this family due to … the curse, it was me to blame, since I was the one who persisted him to keep you."

"… that is why, I cannot tell him about your creature-… I mean, Theodore. Do you think that he will be pleased to hear that the creature, which he tried to chase day and night; have something to do with you?" Diana's voice quivered and when she lifted her head, her face was filled with tears. "Forgive me, Selena … I did this to protect my own family. Despite his gentle appearance, Jonathan was a very stone-hearted man. He might take Olivia away from me and throw me out of this house, if he thinks that …" she shook her head and ran outside the room, leaving me who was still sat frozen on my bed.

Maids were the only people who came into my room ever since. They didn't bother to say a word to me. They just put freshly cooked food on my bedside table, carried the previous meal away even though they were still practically untouched and left me alone in the room all day. I spent most of my days lying back on my bed, staring outside the big glass window.

The letter from Theodore was still tucked secretly on my pillow. It was crumpled now, since I re-read them everyday until I could remember every word by heart; by a wounded heart …

What was he doing at the moment? I thought bitterly. Where was he? I closed my eyes and saw him standing before me. I pictured him so vividly that I was amazed that he wasn't still there when I opened my eyes. I remembered each of his awkward gesture when he tried to help me during our times on my cottage. He seemed to be very nervous and yet it was sweet too. I remembered one day I showed him a flower that I used to taste for a drop of honey in the forest. I wasn't actually felt like tasting them, but we were on search of fire woods and neither of us said anything. I only tell him that so I can find a reason to hear his voice.

"_Here, you try it. It is nice." I gave him one flower to try. _

_He awkwardly took the flower from me, placing it carefully in his palm like he was holding the most precious crystal ornaments. He lifted the flower carefully, examine them in childlike wonder. I couldn't help smiling at this adorable sight. _

_He tasted the end of the flower clumsily and ended up with yellow flower dust on his nose. His face looked puzzled when I giggled. _

"_Here …" I gently removed all the yellow dust from his face._

"_I look silly, don't I?" he lowered his face bashfully. _

"_No, I think you look sweet … the yellow dusts brighten up your pale face a little …" I joked. _

_And then … I saw it; his very first smile. His bright blue eyes twinkled and his lips turned into the sweetest smile I've ever seen. My heart filled with warmth when I saw his smile.__ He smiled sweetly at me, his eyes met mine, but only for few seconds before he turned back into his usual timid self. I felt something lost for some reason, like seeing a fading rainbow … I wanted to make it appear, but I didn't know how._

I smiled at the memory, although tears started to prick behind my eyelids. I just realized how badly I wanted to kiss his pale cheek that moment. Why didn't I? If I did kiss him that time, would I be realizing this strange feeling towards him sooner?

A tiny cough from the door made me jumped. I glanced towards the noise and saw a maid standing there; she was holding a candle to help her see on the dark winter day. "Mrs. Brighton wanted me to tell you something." She said quietly.

"Oh … yes, please." I replied.

"She wants you to be prepared for your movement to St. Bernadette's Sanatorium the day after tomorrow. We shall gladly help you to pack all your belongings …" the bony girl spoke.

I swallowed. I knew that this would come sooner or later, but it still came as a blow on my head. I nodded and with great force managed a weak thank you.

After she left, I moved from my bed and walked towards the glass window. I touched my fingertips on the icy cold glass, trying to see through the thin ice. All I could manage to see were the lights from the night guards' lanterns and that made me even more frustrated. There wouldn't be any chance for me even to see a glimpse of him. The guards would see him first. I turned my back, pressed my back against the glass before I slumped down on the floor.

A phrase from the letter echoed in my head: _… I was afraid that you might died, so I did what I had not done to my creator to save him. I took you to a place where you belong ... _

Where I belong … I thought bitterly. I remembered when my father was thrown out of our house. Few days before the villagers came; Aunt Annabel and Aunt Lucy came to our house. Both of them were my mother's sisters. My mother told me to let them talk in private, but I couldn't help overhearing.

"Move with us. You know that the city council will soon throw Patrick out of this house. You'll be safer if you're with us …" Aunt Annabel whispered quietly.

"Thank you for your concern, Annabel … but I will stay with Patrick no matter what." My mother said gently.

Aunt Lucy became so angry that she forgot to whisper. "Do not be stubborn, you foolish girl! You might not survive after you're thrown out of this house. Think about Selena … think about little Gracie!"

"I am sure that Patrick and I will be strong enough to defend our family – despite what the others think. I will stay with my family, no matter what will happen. I belong to be with them."

I felt new courage filled my heart. I stood up and turned to face the window once more. I saw the lights from the distance … I knew that after midnight when the guards can no longer bear the cold, they would just hung the lanterns on the gate and they would went back to their posts to drink up liquor until they fell asleep. I had watched them many times from the forest before. Despite Jonathan's concern, they only stay awake for a week or so, before they were back to their old habits.

I felt my heart started to beat against my chest. I knew it was so senseless of me to run through the frozen night, when I had a chance to be safe on a Sanatorium, where I could get a good care for my health.

I breathed heavily, but what would happen afterwards? Would I still have a chance to see Theodore again? Diana had made it perfectly clear today that Jonathan did not actually want to have me with their family. Diana had been so kind to me and I still loved her as a friend, but I couldn't think of me being with their family forever … or even forced to marry someone else just so I wouldn't burden Diana's family …

My fists clenched. I was a Leonard. I still had the courage of a Lion despite my weak health. I didn't know how long my two feet could carry me through the forest … that was if I could manage to escape through the front gate … but I would take my chance.

I waited until the lights stopped moving and the chattering voices from the distance were no longer audible. I began to search around my room for my hood, but all I could find was just a cardigan. I didn't know how much it could help me through my journey, but I kept it on anyway.

I took the letter from Theodore and tucked it under my night gown. I wrote a short letter for Diana and put it on the bed after I tidied it. I pressed my ear against the door, to hear whether any maids were still walking around, before I took a deep breath, clenched my Leonard's pendant tight on my palm and opened the door as silently as I could manage …


	8. So Close, So Far

**I got this chapter inspired by Hoobastank's song 'So Close, So Far' it describes perfectly about how Selena's feeling towards Theodore ... I hope you like it ... and please tell me what do you think :) :) **

I took a deep breath before I looked outside the bedroom door. The corridor was eerily silent. I began to walk slowly, I had to look sharply through the dark so I wouldn't bump into anything. I could see the faint shadow of the main stairs that led directly to the first floor. I swallowed and headed towards it as fast as I could manage. The great picture of Mr. Gregory hung on the wall, his sinister smile was almost sneering. I took no notice of it and focused on the stairs solely. I had to walk past the main bedroom and it was still half-opened, but I didn't hear any of Diana or Jonathan's voice. Be silent and still, I told myself. If I didn't think of anything but the stairs when I crept past the door, they wouldn't hear me. I made my mind blank and think nothing but the stairs before I walked pass the door …

A voice behind me made me jump violently. I almost got the wheeze and cough again, but I covered my mouth with both hands and told myself to calm down. Did Diana or Jonathan hear me? That voice became clearer. Oh God, it was Jonathan's voice! I made a quick harsh move, for once forgetting all about being careful, and slid myself down the stairs, tried to hide myself like a serpent … hopefully if he went outside, he couldn't see me. Unless if he decided to walk down the stairs …

God, please don't let it be …

I waited in silent darkness …

Nothing happened.

I waited for a couple of beats. Still silent.

I began walking down the stairs and breathed out in relief as I finally reached the first floor. It was much easier to hide here, for there were so many big statues and ornaments. But it didn't seem to be necessary, so I made my way towards the big door and reach for the handle … I was almost there …

Someone grabbed me from behind and I had to bit back a shriek. A hand clamped over my mouth and I heard a voice hissing in my ear.

"Shh! Be quiet!"

I wheezed. "Diana?"

Diana shushed me and pulled me into the nearest living room. When she was sure that no one heard us, she stared at me, looking terrified. "What do you think you are doing, Selena?"

"I have to, Diana. I have to find him." I whispered back.

"Do not be foolish. You are still very ill." Diana shook her head in disbelief. "The doctor said …"

"I don't care. I will be strong enough. Do not be worry. I still have my cottage in the forest; I can stay there until the morning comes. And then, I will prepare myself to find Theodore …"

"You …" Diana stared at me strangely. "You sacrificed yourself for this thing-… I mean for him?"

"He is the only one I have."

"But you also have me, and also my family. We will take care of you and-…"

"No." I said firmly. "Diana, I am ever so grateful that you are willing to take care of me … but each of us has to choose our paths. You have yours and I also had chosen mine."

Diana looked like she wanted to argue back, but then she changed her mind. "Do you love him, Selena?" Diana asked quietly.

I didn't have any doubt. "Yes. I love him and I will always do."

Diana said nothing for few seconds, but she put her arms around me afterwards. "God bless you, Selena Leonard …" she whispered thickly like she was trying not to cry. "I always know that Leonard family has the purest heart of all …"

"God bless you too, Diana Brighton …" I whispered back, I was struggling not to cry myself. "Your heart is also pure … I am sure that there are no curse whatsoever that dare to descend itself from your father's deeds to you … you are a true angel, Diana. Jonathan and Olivia will receive nothing but heavenly joy and happiness from you …"

Diana hugged me tighter, and then she let go off me. She walked across the room and came back with a cape. "Here, use this." She wrapped them around me and put the hood on. "Also wear these shoes, hopefully these will keep you warm enough through your journey. After you walk out the door, hide behind the big tree until all the guards are off their posts. I will try to create distraction on the back yard oh, and also, take this …" Diana gave me a key. "This is the key to the lock of the little gate nearby the tree. No one ever took any notice of that gate before. If anyone asked, I could simply say that I had lost it …"

I nodded vigorously, trembling. Diana took my hand and led me outside, to the big tree she told me before. "Take care, Selena …" she whispered and gave my forehead a kiss before she turned back and ran back into the house.

I waited behind the tree, my heart thudding so hard in my chest. I heard someone shrieked from the backyard. The shriek violently torn the silence of the night and almost made me cried in surprise if I hadn't quickly put my hands over my mouth.

"Aaaargh!! Save me!! Oh please, anyone save me!!" Diana shrieked loudly from the backyard.

Within seconds, all the guards were staggering their ways towards the backyard while I hunched myself behind the tree. This was my chance. I waited until the last guard was off sight, ran towards the small gate Diana had told me, opened the door and slammed it shut behind me before I made a run towards the forest …

I ran and ran, until I was out of breath. I didn't stop or look back, until I was sure that I was far enough into the woods. When I was sure that no one was after me, I breathed heavily and dared myself to begin walking through the woods. A winter owl hooted at me, as if it was greeting me back. I felt a glimpse of hope when I saw my cottage in the middle of the forest. I had imagined that moment practically every second … his stunned face greeted me as I opened the door … his arms opened and took me to his embrace while I cried the tears of joy on his chest … all the words that I could finally said out loud … I love you Theodore, I wish for nothing but to be with you until the end of time!

I opened my cottage door. It was empty. The thin layers of half-melted snow on the floor told me that no one had ever been here for quiet a while. I felt a tiny cut in my heart, but I knew there was no time for me to be disappointed. I have to have some rest and wake up as soon as the sun rises to find him.

I realized that my actions were senseless. There I was, on my cottage, thinking about finding him while I didn't even know where he was. He might be had already went through the hills, to the most desolated part of the country … or maybe to the coldest part of the earth where he had been once …

The lake …

Yes. He told me that it was his home. But how could I find it? He blindfolded me when he took me to that place. Did he do it on purpose…? That thought felt like another stab on my heart. And I was so naïve to feel like a princess being led by her prince … when all those times, he might just trying to find the best way to leave me … I coughed and coughed, spraying blood on Diana's lovely velvet cape. My chest felt so heavy and so did my head … I touched my forehead and felt the heat … did I just get another fever?

I couldn't just stand here like a foolish person. I had to lie down to get some rest otherwise I wouldn't have enough strength to face tomorrow … if there was still any hope for me. Hopefully I would feel much stronger after I had some rest or maybe Theodore would come back when I opened my eyes …?

After drinking a cold water left on one of the stoves, I slumped on Theodore's bed. I breathed in his musky scent with my eyes closed. The scent made his presence felt more vivid than ever before. It was as if I could see his sleeping face through the dark, his eyes closed, his face looked so peaceful and his breath was steady … my hand automatically reach out to touch his face, but instead of Theodore's warm velveteen skin, I could only feel the cold and damp woods of my cottage wall … I pulled back my hand quickly as if the wall had grown some sharp teeth and bite my fingers off.

I couldn't bear it any longer. My tears started running down to his pillow … I cried and cried my heart out, until I felt so tired and went into a restless sleep …

The next day I woke up early and began my search for the lake. Luckily I discovered one of the rabbit traps I had set before the snow storm. Somehow, there was a frozen dead rabbit stuck on it so I just burned the meat and ate it, didn't bother about the taste and I took some of the leftovers for my journey. I had never walked too deep into the forest before, but I kept on walking.

I knew somewhere inside me, something was becoming worse. I wheezed a little but kept on walking. I was getting used to coughing blood now so I just let them stained the white snow as I walked by, not even bothering to clean them up. They were nothing to be scared of, not at this moment, I told myself. I made my way up the hill, hoping that I could reach a higher place to take a better look of my surroundings. That way, I might see the frozen lake and then would figure which way to go.

Surprisingly I found old building debris on top of the hill. I guessed that it was used to be a church. I could still see what was left of the tower. I decided to have some rest, choosing a big rock as my place to lean in. I took a piece of the cold rabbit meat and ate it, I wasn't hungry but I knew I needed to eat if I wanted to be strong. I took a long sip of my water pouch and stuffed it with snow to let it melt. I looked around me, the building debris stood still, imprisoning me. But I felt safe, somehow … I went to my feet and walked up the hill to the highest point I could manage. I looked around. I saw nothing but white at first, but then … I saw it. My heart thudding with joy as I recognize the pine trees and the snow-covered hills surrounding the ghostly white ground … no doubt, it was the lake! It must be frozen, covered with snow, but it must be Theodore's lake!

Without wasting any more time, I began walking down the hill towards the direction. I couldn't even feel any ache on my chest as I ran, all I could feel is my heart thudding joyfully, each beat calling for my love's name …

I cried joyfully when I saw the hills and the pine trees getting closer. Until I reached the place where I knew it was the place where Theodore and I sat side by side before. "Thank you, Lord … thank you, thank you!!" I realized that I was crying, but I didn't care. I had found the lake! This was my only hope to find him …

"Theodore!!" I cried for him. "Theodore, it is I, Selena!"

My voice echoed from the distance and then disappeared. I waited for a reply. Nothing.

"Theodore, please come out!" I called, walked further forward.

Once more, there wasn't any reply but echo of my voice.

"Theodore!" I shouted. "Theodore, please! I want to see you! I …" I looked around, starting to feel frustrated when everything around me was stood still motionless. I walked aimlessly.

"Theodore …!!!" my cry became throaty. This time, I felt the taste of blood on my mouth even before I began coughing. I kept my eyes swiveled to all directions, getting ready if Theodore happened to be appearing from somewhere.

I heard another echo. And then another. Strangely instead of getting softer and disappear, this time the echo was getting louder. I stood still on where I was standing, puzzled. Another strange sound, not so far away this time … it sounded like it was behind me. I turned around abruptly. No one's there. I was still standing all alone, surrounded by the snow.

And then, I heard another voice that made me almost faint …

"… Selena!!"

"Theodore?!" I cried back, began to walk aimlessly. "Theodore, where are you?!"

"Don't Selena!! It's too dangerous!" no doubt! It was Theodore's voice! I was too happy to realize what he meant. I looked around wildly to find him.

Another voice from behind me, this time the strange voice became louder, but that wasn't Theodore's voice. I realized that the strange voice was from the ground beneath me …

Oh God … I stood still, frozen. I realized where I was standing … I began to feel soft cracklings under my feet … the crackling sounds became stronger and stronger …

"Selena don't move! It's the lake!!"

I did as Theodore's voice said. But it was too late. Suddenly I heard an almighty crack, and the earth beneath me broke open, swallowing me. Thousands of needles pierced on my body when I fell into the frozen river. I struggled to hold my last breath, frantically moving my hands and kicking my legs to reach the surface. I had to reach the same place where I had fallen before … that was my only chance to be safe … I kicked my way wildly up …

My head banged on something. The ice layer! I began clawing at it in panic. Which way to the broken surface?! I couldn't see anything but white around me. My vision became blurry and I could feel my chest became tighter and tighter … I tried to swim, desperately moving my legs and arms, but my legs got caught up in something …

The last air sputtered out of my mouth and the icy water began to fill my chest as my limbs getting number and number …

Please, please don't let this happened! I cried inside my head. I was so close to see him …

My head became so dizzy and everything around me faded slowly …

_Please, don't let me die_ … that was my last thought before I saw the bright light shone brightly on my face … it was his face I saw for the last time, before the light utterly blinded me


	9. The Final Choice

Hi guys … sorry it took me quite a long while to write this last chapter … I tried as best as I could to write this. Thank you so much for readers and your kind reviews … I'll try to write another fanfiction, perhaps in another theme. Hopefully I can do better and better each time. Once again, thank you so much you guys … *hugs n' kisses!*

_I could no longer feel the stinging cold of the frozen pond. In fact, I didn't feel anything at all but the warm-soothing feeling surrounding me. It was so comforting … and I couldn't feel the cold frozen ground beneath my feet. Was I in heaven? Was I really? The wicked pitiful soul as me … could it be possible?_

_I heard someone called me … a voice that seemed so familiar indeed … _

_"Awake__, __fairest__, __thy love is__near_-he who would give his life but to obtain one look of affection from thine eyes … my beloved, awake!"

It was him! And it was his strong arms holding me close. I could hear his heartbeat and his tears that showered my face. My frozen fingers took a hold on his cloak. I knew it was him. And it is not a dream! I didn't want to loose him anymore. I don't want him to leave me again. Don't leave me!

"Don't leave me!" I let out a choke and began coughing, spraying blood and water everywhere. He took a hold of me and helped me sat up straight. Gently, he bent me forward so I didn't choke. I coughed and coughed … until I felt that I had enough air in my lungs to speak. I was so scared that I might die … but not half as scared as loosing him once more. I flung myself to him and wrapped myself around him, holding him tightly. "Please don't leave me …" I whispered.

He began crying, sobbing so hard that he could barely stammer to reply. "Forgive me …" I finally caught what he was saying. He held me in his embrace, like he could never bear to let me go … and nor could I, I didn't want to loose him anymore. Even though I had to face the same death as my family had done … it was alright. I finally understood the reason why even though I knew that my father, my mother and little Gracie had died painfully, they still had smiles in their faces in their last breath … they knew that even though their bodies would become dust, the love on their hearts will not.

During that evening, no explanations were necessary spoken. We sat by the fire, still in each other's arms. The silence between us didn't feel strange or awkward at all. We knew the reasons behind what we had done and despite what our decisions had caused us … we finally find the path to find what our hearts really wished for …

This is our choice …

Darkness fell before we knew it. A ghastly wind went through the cave and killed the fire in one sharp blow. I cowered myself and Theodore covered me with his cloak. We held into each other, trying to keep ourselves as warm as possible. The snow storm came again … this time, the eerie sound of the wind was stronger than the previous snow storm. I felt scared, remembered that it was almost the same snow storm that had separated me from Theodore. My eyes began to loose their sights and burned so badly … and I felt the same floating feeling like I had before …

"Theodore!" I cried for him.

"I am here, Selena … my love …" he said as firmly as his embrace. "I will not leave you."

I smiled, although I was completely blinded by that time. I couldn't see and I could hardly breathe … but I didn't feel scared anymore. I knew that he was there … and he wouldn't leave me. Theodore. My Theodore … I felt his face with my hands, carefully tracing each scars. Even though I was blind, I could see his face clearly … those deep blue eyes staring at me with pure affection no one would ever gave, those pale lips that once quivered with fear now giving me the bravest smile.

He gently lifted my chin and gave me one sweet kiss. The touch of his lips on mine felt so soft and beautiful. I suddenly forgot everything around me, but him. My Theodore. I had purposely chosen that name … it meant 'A gift from God', as he was. He was the angel heaven had sent to me. He was sent to wash away all the grudge and hatred that had tortured me for years, before replace it with love. Now I didn't feel like it made me so soft and weak. On the contrary, I felt that I was stronger that I had ever been in my entire life.

I knew that from that moment, we could no longer be separated.

….

It was the worse winter on years, as the villagers had said. In one silent morning, some villagers were shocked by the findings of two bodies in a frozen lake. It took quite a while for the police to bring the two poor souls out of the ice. One of them was a girl, she might have died long before she was drowned and the other was some kind of gigantic creature that might die by drowning. They were clung together, inseparable. It looked like the two poor souls tried to held into each other's arms for warmth.

Some villagers recognize the girl as Selena Leonard – the first-born daughter of the Leonard family who had died ages ago – and the other was the gigantic creature that had terrorized their village for quite a while.

Mrs. Diana Brighton, the only daughter of Mr. Gregory and beloved wife of Jonathan Brighton, firmly objected the villager's story. She demanded a clarification that will be held on the 3rd of December. She said that she would tell her story, so she could clear both Ms. Leonard and Theodore – the name of the gigantic creature.

Now the bodies of the two poor souls had been buried nearby the lake. Diana had demanded to put a gravestone with both of their names on it – Theodore and Selena. "So that people will see for themselves … how pure love sees through appearances." said Mrs. Brighton.

….

……

I stared at the names carved on the gravestone: Theodore and Selena. How beautiful it was! I couldn't get enough seeing it.

"It is so beautiful indeed …" Theodore said quietly, reaching for the gravestone and gave our names a gentle stroke with his fingertips.

"A part of me wanted to stay here and just looked at it forever." I chuckled. "But I know that it is not impossible. We have to leave …"

Theodore laughed softly and took my hand. We walked side by side … didn't know where exactly our steps went, but I knew that they would lead us to a place where our hearts will always beat as one. The place where we would be together for eternity.

"I can hear my little sister Gracie's voice …" I laughed, although tears started to run down my cheek. They were tears of happiness and joy. "She must be the most adorable and also the cheekiest angel in heaven. You will love her as dearly as I do, Theodore."

"Ah, I know I shall …" Theodore answered, giving my hand a final encouraging squeeze when we saw the light before us became brighter and brighter. He put his arms around me and we began walked towards our eternal fate.

"I love you, till death united us once more."

The End

(The last sentence was copied from a book 'Seven Seasons a Year' by Clara Ng. It was the most beautiful sentence ever to be spoken and I can't think of any better words to close the story between Theodore and Selena. May this story bring love into your hearts too …)


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